Here is a great article for
parents of athletes.
Sporting Parents are Influential Role Models
By Bo Hanson - 4x Olympian, Coaching Consultant & Director of Athlete
Assessments
One
of the most popular presentations we’re asked to deliver for clients is all
about the parents’ role in their children’s sporting life, whether this be at
the youth level or elite level. Since this is a burning topic
for many of our clients, we thought you might also be interested to find out
more about this important topic too. You may be a coach or sporting
official dealing with parents and/or a parent yourself. Read on
to learn the top five critical things parents are to be aware of so they can
best support their children’s involvement in sport. This is
relevant for little league or at the Olympic level.
As a parent, a key fact to remember is that you can either make or
break your child's sporting experience. Whilst there are many
exceptional examples of parents doing the best by their children in their
sport, there are numerous examples of parents being the reason why children
drop out of sport.
One of the most critical aspects of being a parent is how we role
model behaviour to our children. One thing is for sure, our children are
always watching, observing and learning from you – the good, the bad and the
ugly! I know from my own experience the joy of how I feel when I
see my children copying something I do well and the bitter self-disappointment
when I see them copying my not-so-good behaviour.
When it comes to sport and our children, we need to know how to be
the type of role model who supports our children to enjoy sport and understand
what the true meaning of success in sport is. Here are our top
five tips for parents to be their best when it comes to their children’s
sport.
1. Understand why, the real reasons, you want your children to participate in sport.
According to recent research, sport can provide four vital opportunities for
our children to develop.
The fact is, children who play sport from a young age are more likely to be healthy and well- adjusted adults who can make more meaningful contributions at work and in society in general.
Please note, the reason why we should want our children to participate in sport is not so they can “beat” their competition,
win at all costs or improve your status as a sporting legend amongst the other parents.
We recommend being very clear in your own mind about ‘what is your
outcome’? What is it that you want your child to take from their sporting
experience? What do you want from your child’s sporting experience?
Up until the age of around 14, most children just want to have fun in their
sport. When they are around 14 years old, they start to understand more about
what it means to compete. With a considered and deliberate outcome for your
child’s involvement in sport, you can always check in with yourself about
whether you are closer or further away from that meaning when you look at how
you are behaving and interacting. This is also an extremely valuable
discussion (which can be easy or it can be a strong debate) to have with those
closest to you and who also have a close connection to your child.
2. Be strategic by planning what "life lessons" you would like your children to learn.
Studies universally find that sport is an excellent vehicle for promoting the following life lessons:
A quick exercise you can do is to gauge (ie give a score out of 5) how your
child is developing with their current sport in the above life lessons.
If they are doing well in some of the areas (what you rate 4 or 5) and need
support in other areas (anything 3 and below), look for opportunities to help
them further develop. It might be how you talk to your child and what you
focus on when chatting about their training or competition. So much of
our experience and perception of things is what we focus on. Doing this
in an encouraging way can benefit other areas of their life too (and
potentially, help you with other parenting issues too!).
As an aside, you might be interested to read the article “Delivering Feedback to your Athletes”. While the
article is written for coaches, it contains a useful strategy which is to
always start with a positive comment, then provide something they can work on
and finish with a positive comment (whilst using real life examples of
behaviour rather than overall descriptive words such as ‘attitude’ or
‘motivated’). Keep in mind if you think it is your role to provide this
feedback first of all…
3. Be there for your children and reward effort (not results).
This is an obvious one. All it means is to turn up and be part of
your child’s sporting experience as an objective observer – that means, not as
their coach (unless you formally have this role). Parents do their best for
their children when they support what the coach is trying to achieve and do not
contradict their coach’s messages. If you want to be a coach, then by
all means do some study and learn how to be a coach.
Research shows that the most significant contributing factor to sporting
success is the quality of the coach-athlete relationship (See our article on
the Canadian Olympic Study for more information.)
Remember to consider how you answered your ‘outcome’ in 1 above. Even if the coach
is not the most technically brilliant coach, if your outcome for your child is
to have fun and get some physical exercise, and they are getting that, then
there is no need for you to interfere on specifics of a training session with
the coach.
Parents also help their children when they simply encourage and
reward their child’s effort – not their results. What lesson are you
teaching your child if you congratulate them for winning a race when they did
not try their best. Once again, this comes down to the lessons you promote in
the actions you take. There is enormous, consistent and very persuasive
research on rewarding effort rather than results with children. We highly
recommend the book “The Talent Code” by Daniel Coyle. You might be
interested to read our book review and summary (go to: The Talent Code” By Daniel Coyle – Book Review &
Summary. There is an excellent section in Chapter 6 which
you can skip down to in this book summary – it is eye opening research and they
re-tested the experiment five times as they couldn’t believe the results
initially).
4. Do not be there all the time. I know… it seems a contradiction here with the previous point. What we
mean is there are times when all you should do is drop your children at games
or practice and pick them up afterwards. Nothing need be done in between. How
can we help our children develop independence when we as parents never leave
them alone…
5. Control yourself.
The most critical tip I have for all parents is to stay calm and
composed when watching your child participate in any sport. Fact is,
there will be times when the referee makes a wrong decision…so what…that is
life. Live with it and you can teach your child that life is not always
fair and the judge sometimes sees things in a different way to how you may see
them.
Know that every loud screaming parent or adult spectator is viewed by young children
(under 14 years old) as being aggressive. Studies show that children
can’t tell the difference in behaviour and simply group it as violent.
As such they feel emotionally and even physically threatened. I
can assure you, children do not perform well when they feel like this (no one
does). So above all, remain in control of your emotions!
Wrapping Up
Remember you can either make or break your child’s sporting
experience. Our children are always watching, observing and
learning. They are more likely to do what you do, than do what you
say!
Sport provides an important opportunity to teach vital life skills
to our children. Parents have the opportunity to enhance the
experience for their children and to promote these positive lessons. From what
we hear from sports associations and clubs, the reality of many sports today,
is parents promoting the wrong lessons to their children.
So to re-cap, here are our top 5 recommendations:
1. Understand why, the real reasons, you want your children to participate in sport.2. Be strategic by planning what “life lessons” you would like your children to learn.
3. Be there for your children and reward effort (not results).
4. Do not be there all the time (let them develop independence).
5. Control yourself (children under 14 years old see aggression as violent)
parents of athletes.
Sporting Parents are Influential Role Models
By Bo Hanson - 4x Olympian, Coaching Consultant & Director of Athlete
Assessments
One
of the most popular presentations we’re asked to deliver for clients is all
about the parents’ role in their children’s sporting life, whether this be at
the youth level or elite level. Since this is a burning topic
for many of our clients, we thought you might also be interested to find out
more about this important topic too. You may be a coach or sporting
official dealing with parents and/or a parent yourself. Read on
to learn the top five critical things parents are to be aware of so they can
best support their children’s involvement in sport. This is
relevant for little league or at the Olympic level.
As a parent, a key fact to remember is that you can either make or
break your child's sporting experience. Whilst there are many
exceptional examples of parents doing the best by their children in their
sport, there are numerous examples of parents being the reason why children
drop out of sport.
One of the most critical aspects of being a parent is how we role
model behaviour to our children. One thing is for sure, our children are
always watching, observing and learning from you – the good, the bad and the
ugly! I know from my own experience the joy of how I feel when I
see my children copying something I do well and the bitter self-disappointment
when I see them copying my not-so-good behaviour.
When it comes to sport and our children, we need to know how to be
the type of role model who supports our children to enjoy sport and understand
what the true meaning of success in sport is. Here are our top
five tips for parents to be their best when it comes to their children’s
sport.
1. Understand why, the real reasons, you want your children to participate in sport.
According to recent research, sport can provide four vital opportunities for
our children to develop.
- Children learn how to improve their social interactions with others.
- They can increase their level of self-confidence.
- They can improve their communication skills.
- Children can improve their health.
The fact is, children who play sport from a young age are more likely to be healthy and well- adjusted adults who can make more meaningful contributions at work and in society in general.
Please note, the reason why we should want our children to participate in sport is not so they can “beat” their competition,
win at all costs or improve your status as a sporting legend amongst the other parents.
We recommend being very clear in your own mind about ‘what is your
outcome’? What is it that you want your child to take from their sporting
experience? What do you want from your child’s sporting experience?
Up until the age of around 14, most children just want to have fun in their
sport. When they are around 14 years old, they start to understand more about
what it means to compete. With a considered and deliberate outcome for your
child’s involvement in sport, you can always check in with yourself about
whether you are closer or further away from that meaning when you look at how
you are behaving and interacting. This is also an extremely valuable
discussion (which can be easy or it can be a strong debate) to have with those
closest to you and who also have a close connection to your child.
2. Be strategic by planning what "life lessons" you would like your children to learn.
Studies universally find that sport is an excellent vehicle for promoting the following life lessons:
- The value of creating and possessing a consistently Positive
Attitude - The Concept of Fair play
- What is Sportsmanship: how to win and lose with pride and
dignity - The Importance of Practice
- Dedication and Commitment
A quick exercise you can do is to gauge (ie give a score out of 5) how your
child is developing with their current sport in the above life lessons.
If they are doing well in some of the areas (what you rate 4 or 5) and need
support in other areas (anything 3 and below), look for opportunities to help
them further develop. It might be how you talk to your child and what you
focus on when chatting about their training or competition. So much of
our experience and perception of things is what we focus on. Doing this
in an encouraging way can benefit other areas of their life too (and
potentially, help you with other parenting issues too!).
As an aside, you might be interested to read the article “Delivering Feedback to your Athletes”. While the
article is written for coaches, it contains a useful strategy which is to
always start with a positive comment, then provide something they can work on
and finish with a positive comment (whilst using real life examples of
behaviour rather than overall descriptive words such as ‘attitude’ or
‘motivated’). Keep in mind if you think it is your role to provide this
feedback first of all…
3. Be there for your children and reward effort (not results).
This is an obvious one. All it means is to turn up and be part of
your child’s sporting experience as an objective observer – that means, not as
their coach (unless you formally have this role). Parents do their best for
their children when they support what the coach is trying to achieve and do not
contradict their coach’s messages. If you want to be a coach, then by
all means do some study and learn how to be a coach.
Research shows that the most significant contributing factor to sporting
success is the quality of the coach-athlete relationship (See our article on
the Canadian Olympic Study for more information.)
Remember to consider how you answered your ‘outcome’ in 1 above. Even if the coach
is not the most technically brilliant coach, if your outcome for your child is
to have fun and get some physical exercise, and they are getting that, then
there is no need for you to interfere on specifics of a training session with
the coach.
Parents also help their children when they simply encourage and
reward their child’s effort – not their results. What lesson are you
teaching your child if you congratulate them for winning a race when they did
not try their best. Once again, this comes down to the lessons you promote in
the actions you take. There is enormous, consistent and very persuasive
research on rewarding effort rather than results with children. We highly
recommend the book “The Talent Code” by Daniel Coyle. You might be
interested to read our book review and summary (go to: The Talent Code” By Daniel Coyle – Book Review &
Summary. There is an excellent section in Chapter 6 which
you can skip down to in this book summary – it is eye opening research and they
re-tested the experiment five times as they couldn’t believe the results
initially).
4. Do not be there all the time. I know… it seems a contradiction here with the previous point. What we
mean is there are times when all you should do is drop your children at games
or practice and pick them up afterwards. Nothing need be done in between. How
can we help our children develop independence when we as parents never leave
them alone…
5. Control yourself.
The most critical tip I have for all parents is to stay calm and
composed when watching your child participate in any sport. Fact is,
there will be times when the referee makes a wrong decision…so what…that is
life. Live with it and you can teach your child that life is not always
fair and the judge sometimes sees things in a different way to how you may see
them.
Know that every loud screaming parent or adult spectator is viewed by young children
(under 14 years old) as being aggressive. Studies show that children
can’t tell the difference in behaviour and simply group it as violent.
As such they feel emotionally and even physically threatened. I
can assure you, children do not perform well when they feel like this (no one
does). So above all, remain in control of your emotions!
Wrapping Up
Remember you can either make or break your child’s sporting
experience. Our children are always watching, observing and
learning. They are more likely to do what you do, than do what you
say!
Sport provides an important opportunity to teach vital life skills
to our children. Parents have the opportunity to enhance the
experience for their children and to promote these positive lessons. From what
we hear from sports associations and clubs, the reality of many sports today,
is parents promoting the wrong lessons to their children.
So to re-cap, here are our top 5 recommendations:
1. Understand why, the real reasons, you want your children to participate in sport.2. Be strategic by planning what “life lessons” you would like your children to learn.
3. Be there for your children and reward effort (not results).
4. Do not be there all the time (let them develop independence).
5. Control yourself (children under 14 years old see aggression as violent)
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